Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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