Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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