Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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