Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
