Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
