Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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