When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
