I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
