DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
