I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
