omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
