just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
