I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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