my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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