we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
