is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
