I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
