I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
