Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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