You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
