My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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