This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
