So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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