i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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