You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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