is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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