we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
