my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Can i not drive my cunt home
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
