it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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