This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
