im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she smelled like a LAN party
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I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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