i just had sex bonerless
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
