If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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