I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
