I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
