i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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