so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
