i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
