all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
