So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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