my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize