Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
