How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
