I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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