I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
