you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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