so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
