i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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