We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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