Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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