I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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