He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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