big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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