have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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