Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
