I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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