An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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