thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
