i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Found your dick twin last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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