It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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